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Men's Focus - The Porn Identity

Updated: May 16, 2020

What we repeatedly give our energy, time and focus to shapes our identity - eventually - you are what you do. Because it's usually done secretly we may not be aware of just how Porn steals our identity

The sex drive - sexual energy – is the most powerful force inside a person. The very survival of the species depends on it. If it is not being integrated in the expressive flow of our life, sexual energy - as powerful as it is - must go somewhere. It finds a ready recipient in the world of porn. According to an article in Esquire magazine one porn website alone (Pornhub - reportly the largest porn website by visits) clocked an average of 92 million visits per day in 2018. Unconsciously, anonymously we can engage something intensely stimulating, giving an outlet to this uncompromising force inside us. It is a way of managing that force by siphoning it off. But if you are wanting to manifest your personal power as a man then this behavior creates a ceiling on how much force is available to you. Here I am not talking about the physical act of ejaculating (although that is a factor) but rather the fact of repeatedly directing ones intent, ones will, toward this 'world'. Like you're paying a tax to the porn 'world' by giving it this much importance. And if online Porn is the place where you engage and direct your sexual force regularly, then you are giving it importance. And what we give importance to is part of what defines our identity. Rather than go toward the partner we love, or indeed seeking a partner to love, this energy finds a home in what I am calling pornworld. Perhaps because we do it in our home, we overlook this aspect of being a 'place' we go to. Virtual places are becoming just a significant as physical ones. They can take our time, our attention and eventually our identity. So calling it 'Pornworld' marks it as a place we go. Helps us be more accountable for our actions. I'm not judging the place, I'm merely making sure that the action gets brought more into our conscious awareness. For instance, you decide, “i'm going to the gym” - so you gather the appropriate clothes and attitude and make your way there. It is a clear deliberate decision. When you are there you engage in activities that go with being there; you work out or attend a class. We go to the gym to work out. We go to the grocery store to buy food supplies. Each place we go to for a certain purpose. So what is the activity that goes with visiting Pornworld?

Masturbation. Fine, but the problem is that the effects of your visiting Pornworld goes way beyond merely 'relieving the masturbation 'itch' as it were.

Let's look at what happens in Pornworld.

Firstly it tricks you. We give our power to it by directing our desire/ intention/ force/ need, and it gives us nothing back but empty promises. Like if you go to a restaurant and smell the delicious food and see it being carried to others tables, and see them eating it, but then you leave without eating anything. The truth is you wouldn't keep going back to a restaurant if that is what happened each time you went. But the pull in our sexual force is so strong that we go back and back and back – because the food smells and appearance is so incredible – “I need to go there!” Without realizing it we are repeating the same behavior and expecting a different outcome – the apocryphal definition of insanity.

We seek to be filled yet come away feeling more empty. Pornworld does not give anything back to us, or reflect ourselves back to us – two things that an intimate relationship could provide. Like a mean-spirited father who ignores and disregards his son, Pornworld leaves a man empty and bereft. Many men would claim to use porn and still manifest power in their lives. But more still use porn as a way of subverting their unexpressed, frustrated power into something that seems to match this deep force - at least momentarily - yet, in reality, delivers nothing but empty promises in return. Ones' body is fooled into believing that it's needs for sexual connection and intimacy with another are being met, only to be left with nothing.

Here I'm not trying to convince anybody of anything. I have no moral position about porn, only the evidence of what it does to the fragile psyche of a man not yet connected to a strong sense of self. I'm addressing those who can relate from experience how debilitating such behavior is when engaged for a prolonged period. For many men their unseen power is caught in pornworld, and thereby not available to them in their actual lives.

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